Gone are the days of romance scammers asking for a bank transfer to cover the cost of an airfare, skimming money off your credit card for an 'emergency', or requesting gift cards be sent in the mail.
Well, those days are not gone, gone but things in scamland have shifted up a notch.
Scammers are now playing the long game; building trust over months or years and positioning themselves to benefit from wills and estates, not just bank transfers.
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In 2022, Melbourne man William Southey died, leaving behind a generous gift 'in contemplation of marriage' to someone he believed he was in a genuine relationship with. But he had never met. A few months prior to his death, Southey had updated his will to leave $2.5 million to his new love interest.
When his executor set about distributing the estate, they discovered the beneficiary didn't exist.
After the death of his long-term partner, Southey had sought companionship online, a completely human response to grief and loneliness. Unfortunately, it was also a decision that left him vulnerable because romance scams specifically target emotional transitions: bereavement, retirement, isolation, separation, or major life change.
Whether it's a $5,000 bank transfer or a $2.5 million estate, scams have catastrophic effects on people's lives, moving cash, houses, investments, superannuation and generational wealth, all with one signature.
Romance scams succeed not because people are careless, but because they are trusting (and often sad). Once an emotional investment is established, financial decisions follow frighteningly quickly.
These scams aren't random. The scammers are patient, sophisticated, and emotionally intelligent in all the wrong ways.
They rely on:
- Building trust slowly
- Creating emotional dependence
- Isolating the person from questioning voices
- Introducing urgency just when doubt might creep in
By the time families discover what's happened, there may be nothing left to protect (or distribute).
The classic red flags of undue influence include:
Things get intense. Fast. Declarations of love arrive before you've even established their last name.
They can't meet in person. Ever. They're travelling, stuck overseas, working remotely, saving an endangered something or other.
There's always an emergency. A medical bill, a customs issue, a frozen account, an urgent too-good-to-be-true opportunity.
They want to move off the online platform fast to a private messaging app where accountability goes to die.
They suggest an investment, often involving cryptocurrency, foreign markets, or phrases like "guaranteed return".
They ask you to move money for them, which can involve you in criminal activity without knowing it.
Their behaviour changes as soon as they're questioned, becoming defensive, guilt-inducing, often frightening or threatening (super unsexy really).
Why this hurts your death lawyer's heart...
From an estate administration perspective, these situations can mean:
- Sudden depletion of savings meant to support a surviving spouse or children
- Loans or liabilities nobody knew existed
- Wills written or altered under undue influence
- Asset sales that can't be undone
- Family conflict when the truth emerges
Executors are left trying to piece together not just paperwork but emotional fallout.
I'll tell anyone who will listen that estate planning helps you speak after death. But good estate planning also protects you during life by offering structure, advice, and an eagle eye at spotting when something isn't right.
Estate planning is about helping protect the life you've built. If that means asking hard questions about your new online lover who created their profile picture on Chat GPT a week ago. Then so be it.
How to be more 'due diligence' than 'doolally' when cupid calls
When you're forming a new online relationship, verification doesn't feel very romantic, but it's sensible. Here are some things to look for (or ask someone to help you figure out):
♥️ Reverse search their profile photo. If it belongs to a Scandinavian model with a different name, that's a hot clue they're probably not who they're telling you they are.
♥️ Look closely during video calls. Sure, we all want to blur the unmade bed out of the background of our calls, but constantly blurry footage and convenient technical failures can hide a lot.
♥️ Search their name alongside the word "scam". You may not be their first or only online paramore.
♥️ Be cautious of anything that involves secrecy, urgency, or financial help. Healthy relationships don't need NDAs and international wire transfers.
♥️ Meet in person in real life multiple times and introduce them to trusted family or friends before you make any significant decisions.
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Estate planning at its heart is an act of love. It's about making things easier for the people who matter to you. Providing certainty. Reducing stress. Preserving what you've built.
That's why the most romantic thing we hear is not "I've met someone."
It's: "I'd like to review my will to make sure everything is properly protected."
Nothing says I love you like ensuring your estate doesn't end up getting administered alongside a fraud investigation.
The contents of this article do not constitute legal advice and are not intended to be a substitute for either and should not be relied upon as such. You should seek professional advice in relation to your specific circumstances.